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Chinese New Year

            The Tsinoys, or the Filipino-Chinese community in the Philippines celebrate Chinese New Year. Although the Philippines is the largest Catholic country in Asia, Chinese New Year was commemorated throughout the country. In honor of the event, the Malacañang Palace declared January 23 as a non-working holiday stating that “the joint celebration is a manifestation of our solidarity with our Chinese Filipino brethren who have been part of our lives in many respects as a country and as a people.”

So how do the Filipino Chinese celebrate Chinese New Year?

Chinese New Year is perhaps the longest and most important event in the Chinese calendar. It is often referred as the Lunar New Year because it is not based on a specific date. Instead, it is based on when the first new moon of the year, usually between late January and early February. Among the Chinese, the Chinese New Year is also referred to as the Spring Festival because this date marks the end of winter and the start of spring.

Aside from the annual greeting of “Kung Hei Fat Choi”, Filipino Chinese New Year traditions are observed during Chinese New Year in the Philippines, and here in Iloilo it will be a week-long celebration. Although the main festivities won’t start until January 25, simple Chinese traditions have already been practiced as part of the Chinese New Year tradtion.

One tradition that our family practiced (although we are not Chinese) is the buying and eating of Tikoy. Tikoy, or Nian Gao, is a sweet and sticky rice cake that is given away before the start of the Chinese New Year. After the tikoy is offered, it is then cooked—usually dipped in egg before fried with butter—and eaten by the family. The Cantonese name for this sticky rice cake is a homonym for ‘higher year.’ Eating tikoy during this time of the year is symbolizing that you are going to the next level this coming year.

Filipino Chinese (and even pure-blood Filipinos too) now frequent the colorful Feng Shui shops in malls and streets that are selling charms, crystals and amulets that are said to ward off evil spirits and bring luck, riches and prosperity. Some also or dine at specialty Chinese restaurants, buy hopia and visit other curio stores.

And of course, no New Year celebration would be complete without fireworks. By the time midnight struck last January 23, friends of mine who are living near Iloilo’s Chinatown posted status updates in their Facebook of experiencing the fireworks in their neighbourhood. In the case for Chinese New Year, however, fireworks are not for entertainment purposes. The light and sounds coming from fireworks are meant to scare and drive away the evil spirits who may try to enter the house during the start of the year who aims to bring misfortune to the family.

It is difficult to distinguish Chinese culture from the Filipino culture and national identity. And Although the Philippines doesn’t celebrate Chinese New Year as much as how the Chinese in Taiwan and mainland China do, the Filipinos, and Filipino-Chinese most especially, still celebrate Chinese New Year with traditions influenced by the Chinese. In celebrating an event that is solely a Chinese practice, one can find it difficult to pinpoint Filipino ways and influences among the different customs associated with the Chinese New Year. However, it can be seen that Filipinos here in the Philippines, even those who do not even have an ounce of Chinese blood in them, still respect and celebrate the customs that the Chinese introduced to the country years ago which are still very much celebrated till today.

            Panay can take pride of having the most number of festivities which have caught the interest of the world. They include the famous Ati-Atihan and Dinagyang. History says that the first grand Ati celebration happened years ago. The Malays under Datu Puti purchased the island of Panay from its aborigines, the Ati (also called Negritos). The Spaniards who came later introduced a Christian element into the ethnic exercise. They made to coincide with the January fiesta of the Sto. Niño. Today, when authentic Atis are hard to find, modernday participants paint their bodies brown (previously black – welcome to the era of political correctness), and wear exotic exaggeratedly-colored costumes.

“Dinagyang”, celebrated every fourth week of January, features a fluvial procession in honor of Sto. Niño, and a costume parade that transforms the city into a place of organized dancing. Locals, as well as influenced visitors from outside of the region, chant “Viva Señor Sto. Niño! Hala Bira!”, and nod their head to the catchy rhythm of drumbeats.

Through the use of mass media (e.g. TV advertisements, Internet video uploads, newspapers), the Iloilo Dinagyang Foundation Inc. (IDFI) never fails to remind the Ilonggos that the festival is both a cultural and a spiritual activity. The festival emerged because of Ilonggos’ faith to Señor Sto. Niño. It is anchored in faith or “sampalataya”. The commercialism that goes with the festival should not overshadow the religiosity aspect of the festival. It is going to be a culture of celebration and best life in Iloilo City. The presence of kiosks along the streets and the trading of goods is an indication that commercialism emerged during the festival. Not to mention the numerous celebrity guest appearances in various events in the city’s hotspots.

The religious activities honoring the Child Jesus is the Ilonggos’ way of celebrating the feast apart from Kasadyahan and “ati” competition during the Dinagyang festival. The festival started as a devotion to Señor Sto. Niño before it evolved into a cultural activity – and that must always be remembered and inculcated during the festival. Some of the religious activities in-line with the festival include the Santo Niño Masses in San Jose Parish that were celebrated for more than a week, and the Fluvial Processions last January 20, 2012 where devotees carried assorted images of the Child Jesus to show their affection to Señor Sto. Niño.

            Through the years, the festival has gained national prominence and recognition. It is now a vehicle to promote Iloilo as a tourist and investment destination. Amidst the recognition, let us not forget the history and essence of this celebration – the festival was first started to celebrate the feast of the Sto. Nino. From a parish church festivity to honor the Child Jesus, the celebration then evolved to become a religious-cultural activity.

I wrote this letter w/ the hopes that our dean will still need to read a formal withdrawal letter. But then his secretary said I don't need to write one. Geez. So I thought I'd upload it here instead for those who would need an example withdrawal letter for their class subjects. That & I don't wanna feel like I just wasted precious sleep in writing this one up.

January 3, 2012

To whom it may concern,

I would like to late withdraw two of my course subjects, namely Hist 104N and PSci 124 from second semester 2011-2012 for medical reasons. I have psoriasis. It is an autoimmune disease that appears on the skin. Last November my psoriasis aggravated. Although I was able to keep up with my classes at first, sometimes it got too painful so I had to be absent from school and rest at home, so I fell behind in my school work. Although I was behind, I felt I could keep making up the work. Then, just as prelim exams were approaching, my psoriasis aggravated to a point that I couldn’t leave the house anymore. I had to concur bed rest to treat my psoriasis, hence I wasn’t able to take my prelim examinations, not to mention I was absent from my classes two weeks before the exams.

            I still want to continue studying for the semester but due to the classes that I’ve missed, the lessons I have to catch up on, and the exams I still have to take, I think it will not be possible to complete my school work and still get a decent grade. So I decided that I needed to withdraw some subjects so I could cope with the remaining subjects that I decided to continue for this semester.

            I wish to withdraw my Hist 104N and PSci 124 subjects. Both of which fall under our MWF class schedule. My reason for being selective in asking for a withdrawal of these two subjects is because of my Psych 121B subject which requires a practicum.  There is a certain number of hours that we need to comply in our OJT in order to pass the subject. I am already behind the number of hours that is expected of me to have finished by this time. I have already talked with my practicum adviser and she agreed to postpone my deadline for my portfolios for my OJT. I decided to withdraw my MWF subjects so I could use my free time for my OJT hours in order for me to catch up.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Maria Isabel A. Medez

BS Psychology – 4 student

Painful Plot bunny

The show is done - it just ended. The crowd is dispersing. The final rush of adrenaline is diffusing in everyone else's bloodstream. The excitement is over. Shall happiness trail along with it?

Juno found herself brisking to and fro at the backstage.

Where is he? Has he left already?

Without saying goodbye?

Her things were packed. A bit quickly than usual. As the final bow was given & taken, she's ready to leave.


Nick
I presented this idea, that I'd make a long-ass Glee finale post, to my friend. After a few days w/o a reply from him, I thought he actually forgot about it, w/c is totes fine w/ me, but I'll still make this long-ass post sooner than later - I'll defo squeeze this in even though school is fucking w/ me. Then he remembered & tweeted me about it, so... yeah. Here I am, finally writing it down. So, Imma make this scene by scene coz I'm such a gleek.

Glee Season 2 Episode 22: New York

Okay. So the episode opens with a panning view of New York's city streets and theaters. I remember the night, about roughly 3 weeks ago, when I was online, with half of the world, and seeing Glee-related posts in my Tumblr dash. They were filming in New York that time. Glee's makers literally had to close some of New York's tourist attraction spots just so they can film. I found my self smiling at  seeing how high the camera angle is because I know that if it were a tad bit lowered, we'd see a swarm of fans behind fences or bars.

Then it did lower down, obviously after a few cuts, and I murmured, "Please, let Rachel be the first scene. Please, let Rachel be the first scene." And she was. Ah. That multi-colored coat she wears w/ those red tights. And it just dawned on me how fast time flew. I mean, it was just roughly 3 weeks ago that I was liking Tumblr posts of the cast filming this episode and now, I'm watching it.

"I made it."

That line somehow sums up Rachel's life in the series. Seriously. 44 episodes ago she struts down McKinley's hallway to sign in a sheet for Glee club auditions. And who can ever forget that first egocentric Rachel Berry voice over?

"You may laugh because every time I sign my name, I put a gold star after it. But it's a metaphor, and metaphors are important. My gold stars are a metaphor for me being a star."

And now, 44 episodes later, she's gone from no bangs to hideous ones, a whirlwind of kissing scenes, to singing in a show choir competition in New York. Dreams came true for her then, or so she thought.

The stairs scene - so they were actually filming in here? I thought they were really eating lunch. *Refer to earlier paragraph about Tumblr posts.

Then Rachel butts in, oh so proudly, saying she bought 'em 13 tickets to Cats. Seriously? For a character written as having Broadway interests at par w/ Kurt, how could she have not known that Cats has ended 11 years ago? How could she have possibly been fooled by someone like that? *sigh* I strain my self from questioning Ryan's writing humor.

Fast forward to hotel room scene.

"I want two solid verses by the time I get back."

What? That means they don't have any songs for Nationals yet? And the competition will be in a couple of days already? I'm pretty sure they won't be in New York for weeks because basing on the Night of Neglect episode, they don't have that much money, and I know Sam defo doesn't have much at all. Why would they resort to selling taffy in that ep in the first place?

I remember Jessie telling Mercedes that she's lazy enough not to practice her choreography for her Ain't No Way song. Hate to admit it, but he's right. They'll be facing talented show choirs in days & they don't have songs yet much more rehearsed with them. I found another Ryan Murphy writing inconsistency here. I know it's just a show, but...

I did love the subtle shots of Quinn giving deathly glares at Finn & Rachel, though. Those were quick but they add to the drama of the love triangle and to the suspense of what's gonna happen later in the episode with regards to their love story. Coz, y'know, back in the Funeral ep, Quinn totes clued Finn that she's got something big up her sleeve. *eye roll*

Brittany sang again! Finally! And now it's a duet w/ Artie. Remember they were supposed to sing together during the Duets ep back in episode 4 of season 2? Now that we finally get to hear her sing in a lesser auto-tuned way, I can't help but question the writing... again!  I mean, I respect RIB and their writing skills, but Bartie sound good! I had My Cup on repeat for a while! I sang it in the dining room & even did the "Brittany Ah" step to my mum. I totally irritated her. The lyrics, though. I have also read a couple of posts about Rachel's expression during this number & why she has this judgmental look on her face while Bartie's singing, and "didn't she write the same kind of song w/ My Headband?" comments. My response? Lol! The scene's supposed to be funny, which it is. I loved Rachel, and the others', expressions. And I bet HeMo choreographed Brittany's My Cup dance by herself. I can totally see that.

Then Quinn, of which Puck & Lauren echos right after, tells them that they should get out to see New York to be inspired. And I shall say bravo to Finchel for actually thinking right. They haven't got a song yet and they decide to scurry out to experience New York? Where's Jessie's sarcastic remarks when you need 'em. But, y'know... if they didn't get out & be lazy bums then they wouldn't have sung that awesome New York mashup which
they could've sung in Nationals, too.
And we wouldn't have heard Naya's beautiful raspy voice again. Touche, Ryan Murphy. Touche.

My thoughts throughout the song number:
  • This is the big number I've been waiting for weeks!
  • Man, Naya souds amazing!
  • Ooh! I saw them filming that scene!
  • This is the big number I've been waiting for weeks!
  • Lol! People thought that's a Brittana scene?
  • Naya's hot.
  • This is the big number I've been waiting for weeks!
  • I'm lovin' HeMo's energy!
  • These extras better know how lucky they are to be seen, just sitting around benches, in national television!
  • This is the big number I've been waiting for weeks!
  • Poor Ashley. She has to catch up w/ them all running & jumping. Breathe, girl. Breathe.
  • Ooh! Puck's on a skateboard! Kurt sits on the ground & shakes his shoulders, no big deal.
  • This is the big number I've been waiting for weeks!
  • That's the final scene? It's done? They filmed for a whole day & it all boiled down to 3 minutes?!
Then they had a cute boy-bonding scene. That scene was just special in its own way. Guys helping Finn out w/ Rachel, though Puck totes had it on w/ Rachel before, nbd. And I knew the Bella Note song number will be up shortly. Oh, and lemme just say, Sam totally gets awesome line comebacks in the show.
  • "I thought that was Paris."
  • "If I was in love w/ a girl & I wasn't homeless, I'd totally go for it."
But what were the girls doing? Having a pillow fight. Yep. I loved Dianna in that scene. She was all smiles all over - that big toothy grin of hers. And that scream she did - precious.

Rachel gets a text message from Finn, "MEET ME in CENTRAL PARK at BOW BRIDGE. DRESS UP. FINN."

Seriously, who texts like that? Lol! I know this is just random but that text message is weird in all shapes & sizes. I mean, who capitalizes their texts & even bothers to have all prepositions in small letters? That's just a waste of time! And why would he place his name at the end? Doesn't Rachel save his number or something? Oh, right. It's for the viewers! Just a random thought. Movie rules don't apply to real life.

Will gets a serious scene. I know RIB writes characters w/ the hope of having each character representing various viewers. Kurt & Blaine represent the bullied male gays Blaine for the StarKids, Santana for the lesbians, Karofsky for the bullies who want redemption, Mercedes & Lauren for the obese, etc. I think Will represents those oldies who had dreams of doing big when they were young yet didn't have the balls to actually go for it. This scene may mean a lot, but I liked it more coz Matt finally gets another solo. I remember downloading that song and listening to it in the bathroom. I tried to think who the singer might be. I should've just checked Wiki, I know. I thought it was Puck or Finn, but I know their voices too well to know that it's a different singer. Will didn't get to sing much in the past episodes that I already forgot that Mr. Schue is a singer, too, and an expressive one, might I add, but that goes to Matt.

Another technical glitch, though. Will sings in an empty theater where he just happens to get inside all alone. I know they set up theatrical smoke for that song number, w/c did wonders, but the part where he ran downstage & the spotlight actually follows him. Empty theater's not empty at all. Here's to me laughing it off again. Matt sings beautifully, though. My mom has this usual remark, "You'd know if an actor had theater training/experience." Well, she's right w/ that one.

Finchel date scene! I dunno how the Finchel shippers reacted w/ their date, but it wasn't enough for me, and that's saying much from a shipper who doesn't ship Finchel that much. I mean, Finchel's okay, but my OTP is Klaine. The end of the date had me asking for more. I think it was cut abruptly or something, or LuPone butt in too quickly. Anywho, I'm proud of Rachel in this scene. When Finn was leaning in to kiss her, she refuses. That's right, girl! Play hard to get! Make him regret his life choices! He broke your marshmallow heart!

Then the scene just turned hilarious to me. Rachel ditches Finn, see? Finn stands there w/ an expression full of gas pains, questioning his life choices, and the other boys? FINISHES THE DARN SONG. They were just right there! They saw what happened, but they thought finishing the song is more important than consoling their guy friend. Yeah, yeah. I know. Movie rules don't apply to real life. It's just darn funny to me. XD

The big Wicked scene.

Do you remember the time where Rachel & Kurt were actually singing rivals? Cue specific scene:

Rachel: You set me up. With Finn. 

Kurt: Looks like someone is running for drama queen again.

Rachel: How could you do that? I thought we were friends.

Kurt: And what made you think that? You should be thanking me all I did was help you realize that your school girl fantasy of running off with Finn was nothing but a fairytale.

Rachel: You like him. Yeah, that’s what this is and you were just trying to eliminate the competition .

Kurt: I was just helping him understand that you are not a viable second choice.

Rachel: You think I’m a second choice? 

Kurt: A distant second. 

Rachel: You think I’m living in a fairytale? If I were second or If I were fiftieth I’d still be ahead of you because I’m a girl!

Kurt: Okay, here’s the dope, princess. There’s no hope for either of us. He loves Quinn, they’re having a baby together. We’re nothing but distractions, and the sooner we realize that, the better.

Like they despised the fact that they breath the same air in a room. And look at them now - best friends. Their friendship is beautiful. I hope RIB treasures it. Over a year ago, they were fighting over Finn, and now Kurt has Blaine, & Rachel is comfortable enough talking about her boyfriend problems w/ Kurt. Such wonderful character development.

And the caretaker/security guard/random person - just precious. His line is superb!

"You got some big Broadway dream about singin' a song in a real Broadway stage.... You got 15 minutes."

Haha! Totally random but kinda needed. In a way, it shows how Hummelberry give importance to their love of Broadway & performing. They only had 15 minutes after all.

The scene, that whole scene, was the most emotional in the entire episode, for me. Here are two kids w/ big Broadway dreams, and now they find themselves in the Wicked stage. It was a sentimental scene, not just for the characters, but for Lea & Chris themselves, and that was fairly evident in their acting. Big chops to the editor, too, for putting in such beautiful background music. I swear, my arrector pili muscles were working out.

Cue beginning measure of For Good, I wasn't breathing, so to speak. Rachel starts singing, goosebumps even more. Then Kurt freakin' Hummel started singing, I lost it. Wizard god, Chris Colfer's acting skills will be the death of us. His acting in that scene seems so authentic it's freakin' flawless.

I remember it was the Wheels episode of season 1 where Hummelberry battled it out for a solo w/ Defying Gravity, which is a big Wicked number. And now, they sing a duet once again, and it's For Good. They sound better here, though. Chris sounds way better now, tbh.

I found my self crying, not gonna lie. I cry for fictional characters. But I think it was a memory of the song that made me cry. I remember back in high school, I asked my music teacher if I could sing For Good. I let him hear it. He liked it. But he fucking didn't do anything. I was never good enough for him. And people wonder why I'm rebellious? Fuck.

Things are gonna change, though. I'm going to be fucking famous when I grow older & those ungrateful people are gonna regret their sins of omission towards me. That music teacher of mine destroyed my dream of becoming a singer. I'm never gonna forget how disappointed he made me feel when he occasionally turned down my wishes of having a solo & getting a better part in song numbers. I was a patient student, but sometimes patience isn't always the best virtue. Sometimes you gotta do it your own way, coz your dreams are yours. Others don't really care much about 'em, coz others have their own narcissistic dreams of their own. One's success depends on how the person works towards their goals. Malcolm Gladwell thinks differently, though.

Return to otherwise positive vibe, Chris fuckin' Colfer is making marshmallow angels cry w/ his beautiful acting. The way Kurt glances towards the theater seats & notices that they're blue was entrancing. Seriously, Chris deserves his Golden Globe win. He was fantastic in this scene. And, from memory, I think they filmed this scene days before Chris attended that prestigious Time Gala thingy. I may be wrong, but watching Chris in that Wicked scene feels so differently. It's like he's not faking that "full circle" face of his. His acting seems so pure that with him feeling pride inside about his Time's Most Influential award reflects in Kurt's eyes when Kurt was feeling proud of himself for going this far & finally singing in the Wicked stage. Lea, by the way, w/ her childlike expressions, added to the fantasy-esque feeling of the scene. For a moment, I actually forgot they were in New York for the Nationals competition. They were that good.

And can I say, this scene was one of the scenes I didn't cringe when Lea sings w/ that big mouth of hers. I understand she sings from the heart, there's no doubt about that, I get it. It adds more feeling to the song actually. But her mouth... *sigh* I reiterate, this scene was one of the scenes I didn't cringe. I was like, "Sing your heart out, girl. You're living your dream." And her bangs, lemme say, thank you, hair dresser, for combing it sideways. Me gusta. ;)

"Thank you, Kurt."


I cried, for heaven's sake. I cried.

The next scene was amazing, but only until before Quinn said that supposed to be heart-breaking line of hers. Lemme explain...

So remember Quinn tells Finn she's got something up her sleeve for Nationals? It wasn't clearly laid out so I'm guessing it's gotta be referring to this scene. Probably Quinn is planning to loaf around during Nationals & eventually let them lose. (a) That's so selfish of her. (b) After seeing the results, no need, Quinn. (c) It's quite understandable actually.

I mean, look at what happened to Quinn for the past 2 years. She had plenty of break-ups, which she was partially to blame, too. She got pregnant. Got kicked out of her own house. <--- Remember this one? She had to give up Beth for adoption, and then we don't hear from her again, ever. Brad said Beth's living happily together w/ Shelby. The father of her baby is screwing up w/ another girl, not that Quinn minds, though. She didn't win prom queen. She just broke up w/ Finn. It was after a funeral - double depressed.

She's lived a rough life.

"Aren't we supposed to be the popular girls? Why can't we have our dreams come true? She has love, Tina has it, even Zizes hooks up."

She's broken.

In that scene, I actually felt genuine sadness for her & Brittana. They were indeed the popular ones in season 1, and then things have changed. They now are the ones w/ confusing relationships to deal with.

Thank wizard god Brittana were there w/ her. God knows, maybe Quinn was contemplating suicide & that would totally ruin their win at Nationals. Yet again, not needed. Maybe that was her plan all along. I dunno, it could've been, coz things like that do happen. Darn it, Ryan Murphy. You could have written that & that could've saved the fans from wondering what Quinn's major plan for nationals really was.

On a brighter note, I just love how Brittana could be like the perfect best friends. Doncha agree? The way they cheered Quinn up, that was really sweet. No matter how pissed they may have been at Quinn seconds before she exploded, they managed to console her when she definitely needed someone to listen to her.

"I just need someone to love me."


That line was just so wrong. Seriously, girl, you've had Puck, Sam & Finn confess their love to you. Sam even got to one knee & made that cute promise speech of his. Wrong move, Ryan. Wrong move. But it could be the depression kicking in, though.

The next scene, again, is full of drama. I feel bad for Mr. Schue. Choosing between fulfilling his dream to be a Broadway actor & being a glee club director in Lima - he's having a double approach-avoidance conflict & those kinds of conflicts are a pain in the arse. However, I remember one StarKid tweeting about how Glee has a strange idea of how to get on Broadway. Uhm... That StarKid's got a point. Movie rules don't apply to real life, though.

Mr. Schue returns to the hotel room & his inner conflict is out in the open.

I love Mike Chang in this scene. Here's why:

Quinn: We heard.
Mercedes: About you leaving to be on Broadway.
Kurt: We're happy for you.
Rachel: You've inspired us in so many ways, so this is just another.
Mike: You okay, Mr. Schue?


Funny how they each get a line for themselves. XD
They might've talked together & prepared what to say to Will before he busts in the door. However, it was only Mike who remembered to ask how Will was feeling at that moment. Sure, it may be a rhetorical query, but it's the thought that counts. The thought that someone actually cared about what you're feeling, and what you're thinking - that's what matters most.

Seriously, the writers have yet to degrade Mike Chang's attitude. He's so nice he seems impossible.

Scratch that. It was Mike & Puck who made this scene for me. That bear hug Puck gave to Mr. Schue, that was really sweet. Yes, it was a bit out of character for Puck, but it spoke much. There was obvious tension in the air, even before Will came in. The kids weren't moving, eyeing Mr. Schue's every move & preparing themselves for whatever decision Mr. Schue will make. With Puck hugging Mr. Schue, it again showed how much his character has developed in 2 years.

He was the typical football player, the quarterback's best friend, the corridor bully, one of the slushie throwers. Now, he even told Sam not to screw w/ Kurt in the Rumors episode because Kurt already has a boyfriend. To think he was the one who dumped Kurt in the dumpster way back in episode 1. So much wonderful development has happened in that Mohawk of his. And with his hugging of Mr. Schue just showed how much he enjoys being in Glee club now. It's like he's hugging his father for not abandoning their family. Glee club means so much more to him now more than ever. Once again, I hope RIB treasures this honest development.

Competition time!

First to perform, what a joke. Their costumes - Seriously?! They do a hip hop routine w/ angel-like wardrobe?! What the-? *insert utter profanities here*

"You're about to go up against the top show choirs in the country, and your team spent all week moaning about how fun & exciting New York is."

Goolsby couldn't have said it any better - my exact sentiments throughout half of this episode.

Charice comes in, from a bathroom stall. First thought - I don't like her makeup, tbh. At least she's got more lines in this scene than in the other scenes of hers combined. Glee could've played w/ her character more, though. It may be because of her busy schedule already or whatever but I think her character was made as a filler or something. Or maybe not... She had interviews and all that jazz. I remember how much promotion Sunshine Corazon had before the first ep of season 2, and then she just appears for one ep & returns 16 episodes later. Tsk. Charice is such an amazing performer. Her Glee songs are a must-download for me, and I would rape the replay button on those YouTube vids of her Glee performances.

At least her character gave Rachel a redemption scene. That makes up for something.

"I used to love singing. It was the only thing that relaxes me. Now, I hate it..."

Giiirl, you just stood there on stage. I harbor no hate on Sunshine nor Charice, but her character's got inconsistencies at par with Finn's gullible mind. Vocal Adrenaline's backup dancers should've had that line. Sunshine didn't even break a sweat on stage. And, in all honesty, their number just seemed like a solo number, not a show choir number. Like I said, backup dancers.

Rachel & Finn's Pretending number.

What's up with their choreography?! Lol! So much for a self-professed gleek, I criticize them too much. Nah. It just shows how objective I am in watching the show - rationalization. And there's the audience clapping in tune with their song's beat. Erm... I've joined a fair share of National competitions & I think that's not allowed in formal competitions. Anywho...

That unscripted kiss? Lemme just say what Jessie & Blaine said were true. But, y'know... raging teenage hormones. ;) Even my mom said, "They kissed? Why would they kiss? They just cost their shot at winning." Lol! So my mom thinks like Jessie now.

Naya, Naya, Naya. Her voice is to die for.

Random comment: At least their Nationals costume is way better than their Regionals. That blue one they wore made them look like Christmas presents. Love how their dress drops down, and it's black so it's chic.

Glad that Brittany got to sing this time, too. Use her talent wisely, Murphy. Her dancing is unquestionable. Her voice is good, too. She's got that certain rough tone in it as well, similar to Santana's but different.

And then the next scenes flew by too fast for me to even digest their innate meanings:
  • Jon's delivery of that sarcastic Jessie line - perfect. Especially the part when he said, "Hi, Rachel."
  • Slow mo shots - total suspense fillers. Not that I needed those.
  • Then those show choir names are hilarious!
  1. The Waffletoots - sounds like someone had too much waffles for lunch.
  2. Singaz Wit Attitude?!
  3. Jefferson City Airplane - are they even a show choir?
  4. Twelve Steps - a joke about a break dance routine called Six Steps?
  5. Vocal Chordz - can't think of anything more?
  6. Soundsplosion - uh-huh
  7. Teenage Scream - I see what you did there. ;)
Honest opinion here, I'm glad they didn't win. It's nice to show the bitterness of reality sometimes. Winning in these kinds of shows seem too cliche already. So I bow down my head to Ryan Murphy this time. Plus, we get to see Santana's wild side again. Whoot! That emotion explosion of hers was on replay the whole night! LOL! She reminded me of Taz in Starship. Now my problem is how to use those lines of hers in my life. Reference. Reference.

Klaine scene! In other words, prepare for a long Klaine rant. *cough* OTP here. *cough*

Darren's been all tight-lipped about appearing in the finale. That's funny of him. All those interviews, interrogating him of Blaine's appearance in the finale, I bet he's so proud of himself for not slipping the beans. At least that's one difference he has from Chris. ;)

Seriously, those five minutes of Klaine was enough for me. Even though I ship Klaine so hard my stuff toys explode, I have to remind my self that there are other relationships in the show that RIB has to write about, there are other fans & shippers out there still, the show existed for more than a year w/o Klaine hence there's a primordial soup of story lines already to attend to aside from this ever-precious Klaine ship. Still, that sweet scene was enough. Heck, even if we see Kurt's head on Blaine's shoulder, whilst watching television, all wrapped in a blanket, in the middle of the night, as the only Klaine scene in the finale, that would be enough as well. But, no. Murphy loves his Klainers much more than give us that little tease and he actually wrote a whole scene w/ an amazeball Klaine dialogue!

I love how Kurt is all narrating and just the usual lemme-tell-you-what-happened kind of chat over coffee w/ his boyfriend. Yeah. Still got the high on that fact, nbd. And Blaine is just sitting there, all eyes & ears to Kurt, obviously interested in whatever it is that escapes Kurt's mouth, even if it's a little purse. He butts in for awhile about the informal kiss but urges Kurt to continue on. They haven't seen each other for a week, imagine how much they miss each other. And Kurt transferring back to McKinley doesn't help much either. They only have after school hours to date and hang out.

"Wait. I don't get it. You don't seem that sad at all."

It was like Blaine already had an arsenal of encouraging words prepared for Kurt. Kurt might've texted him about their loss and that they'd meet in Lima Bean to tell him the whole story. Blaine listens through the whole story and then gets surprised about how light Kurt has accepted the result, especially how Kurt reacted on the Warblers losing at Regionals.

I dunno how the Blaine haters come up w/ those reasons why Blaine is a bad boyfriend or something, coz, seriously, all I see is Blaine like a knight in shining armor, and I'm not just saying that coz he's played by Darren. Lol. I defo know how to separate actor from character. Blaine has proven to us how much he loves Kurt & how he'll be there for him (e.g. Prom episode). Kurt means so much to him & it's evident. Blaine is like Kurt's shoulder to cry on. Like during the Prom episode...

Who was there when Kurt was publicly humiliated? Who shouted Kurt's name in front of the whole student body? Who ran out towards the school hallways just to tell Kurt to stop running? Who listened to Kurt when he was all sobbing and lost? Who waited for Kurt to stop crying? Who held out his hand to help Kurt stand up & face his demons? Who faced his own demons and walked through the mass of students to dance with the boy he loves?

Blaine.

Yeah. Brittany told Santana to quit crying and go back in the gym for Kurt, but that was just it. They didn't actually act on anything after that. It was all Blaine freakin' WarblerAnderson.

Maybe I'm just blinded by their marshmallow love or whatever, but all I can see is, Klaine loves each other... and nothing truly hurts.

Then Kurt answers Blaine with his own reasons for his satisfaction that made Blaine give him that "aaw" expression. Kurt was in his narrating moment. Then, just so sudden, Blaine releases a breath and answers back with "I love you."

It wasn't dramatic. It didn't need those drum-rolling, climactic piano-chord transitions. I'm glad it was as simple as how Darren delivered it. It showed little and as much of their relationship, all at the same time. Little, because it seemed like it wasn't the first time they exchanged I love yous in a conversation. There might've been a lot more Klaine dates that weren't written down. Much, because... it seemed like it wasn't the first time they exchanged I love yous in a conversation. They're relationship is nothing to be ashamed of & that it's perfectly okay for Blaine to express his love for Kurt in public. Two descriptions w/ the same reason. That's how I see the scene played out.

Kurt's reaction was perfection, too. Giving it a pause before replying w/ "I love you, too." He obviously wasn't prepared for what Blaine said to him. Who would have actually? Here you are telling your boyfriend the story how you guys lost at Nationals & he responds w/ "I love you".

Then Blaine just remains silent for a couple more seconds. He just smiled and stayed silent. It's like he's telling Kurt to continue his story & he's still there to listen.

"You know, if you stop to think about it, Kurt Hummel's had a pretty good year."

Which is actually an awesome response & it totally sums up the trajectory of Kurt's storyline in season 2. Yes, he was bullied by Karofsky before. Enough that he would transfer to Dalton. But no regrets 'cause he met Blaine, and fell in love. Dalton change him as a person and when he returned back to McKinley, he learned to forgive Karofsky, and even developed a wonderful friendship with Rachel.

And there's a new ship! Samcedes! I think I'm going to ship this one hard, too. ;)

They look all adorable together. Clearly, they weren't expecting Klaine there in Lima Bean, w/c is stupid coz Klaine is always in Lima Bean. But the way they made up their excuse of finding each other at the parking lot - adorable!

Then this dialogue!

Blaine
: We’re on our way to get some sheet music. Tomorrow’s my audition for the summer show at Six Flags. *crosses fingers*

Kurt: Whereas I’m sitting my summer composing Pipp Pipp Hurray. The Broadway musical about Pippa Middleton.

Sam: I have no idea who that is but it sounds totally awesome.

I know I'm pulling thousands of strings here, but that was totally a StarKid reference! It has to! Sam winked right after he said it! GAH! Ryan Murphy! You troll!

And let us all just clap for Brittany, please? Clearly she's not as dumb as how the writers wrote her character before. The blonde's got wisdom in that noggin' of hers.

She didn't judge Santana for saying mean stuff to Rachel. She went there to listen to Santana, just like what Blaine did for Kurt in Lima Bean.

"I know that all the kids at the glee club, they fight and they steal each other's boyfriends & girlfriends, and they threaten to quit like every other week, but stuff like that happens to families... Family is a place where everyone loves you no matter what, and they accept you for who you are."

Seriously, she won my mum's heart after doing that monologue.

As for me, well... the characters are all under the writer's whim. I could totally say Brittany's not as dumb as the writers write her to be. I could also say that it's a redemption scene for RIB after writing a season full of breakups and silly relationships for most parts.

And that final Finchel scene? Yeah. I guess that was the missing puzzle piece after their date. It was nice of Finn to admit his love for Rachel like that. When Rachel asked him what he was feeling, his answer's got to be the most honest he's given after all the confused relationships he has entered in. And that's saying much from someone who doesn't ship Finchel that hard. Again, Finchel's okay... but Klaine's my OTP. ;)

That ending was just like a neat little bow on a present, like a sweet icing on the cake. We see the glee club one last time, hear Rachel shout his childlike Yay, and the camera slides out the door and leaves us four months-long of Glee-frustration.

Yeah. And this is a really long post that I made that cost me 7 hours. I hope I don't regret anything. =)
I feel like I'm losing my grip these past few weeks. I've been doing a lot of thinking, & I think it's not doing any good to me. And when I'm not thinking or reflecting that much, I'm in front of the computer & allowing my self to be washed away from reality. I got so addicted to the internet that I would wish that I wouldn't have a social life anymore. There came a point where didn't want to go to school because I didn't want to see my classmates anymore. I still don't though, just so you know.




I don't think my real life friends appreciate me of who I really am. I've said it before & I'll say it again. I feel like I'm just some tool that they think they can just use & throw away when they're through. I get remembered when they suddenly realize I have talents they can use. Well, screw them. This coming opening of classes, things are gonna be different.

I'm still new to Tumblr, but I'm gaining friends. Tumblr taught me how to add gifs in my posts.



I've read posts of some Tumblr users saying that Tumblr is a place where they feel like they truly belong. I don't blame them. After logging in to my account there every night, I get hooked up, too. I feel like it's destroying me & helping me all at the same time. I'm happy when I'm in Tumblr. It's a fun place, that's why it's addictive.

There's no one to blame here, in all honesty. I'm a Gleek, StarKid, Klainer, & all those shipper adjectives that I tie my self with. I don't know anyone in my real life, outside Tumblr, who is as much of a Gleek, StarKid, Klainer, what not as I am. Of course, I got friends who love Glee, but they don't know the inside jokes and behind the scenes of it. I have yet to meet someone in person who is a true Gleek as I am, who is a true StarKid as I am, who ships Klaine so hard as I am.

Tumblr has made me feel that it's okay to cry hard over someone fictional, over something fictional. I've been crying in every episode of Glee since its Born This Way ep. Yes, the writing has gone haywire, but it strikes through. And when I'm watching each ep, I'm always ready w/ my Tumblr posts for my post-ep reactions & reblogs. 'Cept for the last ep coz I wanted to prove to my self & my mum that I'm not addicted to the internet.

Sometimes, I wonder what my IRL friends really think when they know that I'm crying my eyes out over something fictional. Maybe they're thinking I'm too much of a drama queen. Maybe they're thinking I'm trying to catch attention again like an attention whore. Maybe, just maybe, they're thinking that I need help. My mum tries to understand me, though. Well, kudos to her. Although she did stress once that Glee is just fiction. I guess she's freaking out about how I'm too engrossed already.

Well, guess what? I am aware that it's all fiction. I am aware that I do appear obsessed when I flail over these things, because I am, with every fiber of my being. But, you know what? I'm happy, and I think that's what matters most in this time of my life.

I'm happy how Glee has given me a day in a week to look forward to. I'm happy how StarKid has taught me how much pure friendship can accomplish. I'm happy how HeMo has given so much inspiration to feel confident in my self when I dance. I'm happy how Joey has taught me the importance of internalization when performing on stage. I'm happy how Lea has proved to me that positivity can totally turn that frown upside down. I'm happy that Brolden has given me a new perspective in watching movies & that sometimes it all boils down to the script. I'm happy how Naya stays true to herself & her character Santana, which helped me accept my bad side. I'm happy how Lauren shows that there's nothing to be embarrassed about as long as you're comfortable with who you are & what you do. I'm happy how Harry proves that singing is never really above dancing, rather it's about finding your talents' niche & improving at it. I'm happy how the Lang brothers have enlightened me with honest humility and the importance of each company member's contribution to a show. I'm happy how Chris has proven to the world that you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. Being yourself is what's best. And beyond all your demons, life does get better.

But above all, I'm happy of how Darren Criss has changed me. He may not accept it but, seriously, he can be someone to look up to. He is not just some guy from San Francisco, UMich grad, talented artist. I believe his personality is deeper than that. He has taught me that "there's nothing more badass than being your self." That there's perfectly nothing wrong with watching Disney & loving it even though it may be beyond your years, because there will always be that Neverland within us. That being humble is what attracts true encouragement & affirmation. That being nice is what's best, even to people who misunderstand you, "because nobody likes an asshole." That striving hard in reaching your goals & in what you truly dream of becoming can indeed work wonders. That as a performer, you have "to own the stage; you have to have power over the room" and that it's okay to be nervous because “if you’re nervous, it means you care about what you’re doing."

Because, you see, it's not really just the Glee characters as something fictional & the totally awesome StarKids musicals that make me obsessed with 'em. It's the people behind them & how they have touched my life through what they're doing & what they love. They have become my true inspirations with whatever I dream of becoming

And even though my IRL friends can't, or won't even, understand my loyalty to the wonderful people behind Glee & Starkid, I won't mind because right now and for a time come, these two fandoms are my happiness.

"Bel," He touched my hand. "He's gay."

I have this homo friend in school, Rain, who I love dearly. There is never a dull moment when he's present in our classes. Sometimes, though, he tends to be really tactless. I try to ignore tactless people, especially if they don't bother me. I mean, why be affected by what they say if it's not even about you that they're talking about, right? But when Rain said that Darren Criss is definitely gay & he totes pushed it, that's a different story.

In our class, I get to be known as a pure fan girl. One time, we had a game of charades of some sort. The game master will let the ones in front read a name of ours & then let them impersonate the person whose name is written on the paper. During one round, my name was the one that was shown to the impersonators. I had a feeling it was me they were impersonating, but I wasn't completely sure. They acted like desperate fan girls in front, w/ matching eye-twinkling & hands-on-chin gestures. I stepped back that round. I wanted to know how long it'll take my classmates to guess who they were impersonating. It didn't take long though. By the moment one impersonator made made circles around her eyes w/ her fingers indicating that the person being impersonated is wearing glasses, they guessed it.

I was a bit insulted though. Gosh. I could really set my expectations high. I found out that I was known for wearing glasses & being a fan girl. Not as a someone who sings, or a dancer, or someone intellectual. For years, I tried to build that self-image. I took singing & dancing classes & came out as someone egocentric who's always fishing out for compliments.

I was. I accept. But I'm not that person anymore. Darren Criss has taught me that being humble is what attracts honest compliments. He has influenced me in ways he may never imagine & accept. That's why when Rain said those stuff about Darren, the gods tested me.

We were in the library that time, researching. While I was surfing through the dust-filled shelves, I was listening to Darren's Part of Your World. Rain came up behind me & started a convo. He then grabbed for one earpiece & placed it in his ear.

"Who's this?"

"Oh. That's Darren." I smiled nonchalantly. My classmates know by now who Darren is. I talk about him a lot in school. During our group reports, we use my laptop... & my wallpaper is Darren as a puppy. *grins*

He then smirked & giggled. I faced him & waited for anything that he'll say. He took a breath, "Isn't this in the Little Mermaid?"

"Yes." I raised an eyebrow. By this time, I marched towards the table where I left my books. He followed after me. He still had the other earpiece, when we sat down.

"Why is he singing this shizz?" He asked, & by that time I knew where this convo is heading.

"Why shouldn't he be? He made Disney covers a few years ago. He put them up on YouTube" Rain made a mocking face, but I continued on. "Disney is never shizz. You should hear his cover of Belle. It's magical."

"Right." He reached for other songs. He tumbled upon Don't You Want Me. " Hey, isn't this the kind of songs played during nightly fiestas where people dance like drunks?"

I couldn't help but laugh at that one, coz that's the exact theme of the Glee ep that DYWM was in. "Yeah."

Rain made that mocking laugh again. "Why?" I asked him.

"He sings these kinds of songs? Seriously, Bel. He's defo gay."

I tried to keep it together. "Rain, he sang that song w/ Lea Michele, who is Rachel Berry in Glee." It's hard being the only person in class watching Glee. There's no one to share my Glee experience & happiness w/. I continued, "They sang that in an alcohol-themed episode. They had to act all drunk while singing this."

He giggled for a second, obviously certain that Darren is gay, & continued searching for songs in my phone. He then stopped on Sami. "Seriously, Bel? Seriously?"

"What? That's a beautiful song." I then remembered Little White Lie & how adorable Sami & Toby's storyline is.

By this time he laughed louder. "Bel," He touched my hand. "He's gay."

"He. Is. Not." I smiled sarcastically at him.

"Bel, I have accurate gaydar senses. Trust me. I'm gay my self."

It was my time to give a mock laughter this time. "Oh. Non sequitur. It absolutely doesn't follow that if you're out & proud of your homosexuality then you have unparalleled gaydar senses."

"Oh, wow. Debate." He sat up.

"Yeah." I was channeling Chris that time. "Besides, Darren is straight. He said so himself."

"Okay. What's his role on Glee?"

"He's Blaine, an out & proud gay student from an all-boys school. He's Kurt's love interest-" My monologue was cut short when I saw Rain laughing.

"My point exactly." He just said.

The gods are testing me. "Rain, Blaine is just a role. He's fictitious. He's too good to be true actually. Darren has no choice but to perform what the Glee creators write in the scripts, so to speak. Playing a gay role doesn't define who & what Darren is."

"Okay. Then lemme ask you something about him."

I lit up. I loved it when people ask me about Darren.  I could be a creepy stalker when it comes to him.

"Does he have a girlfriend?"

*face palm* So if I say "No" then that equates to him being gay then? Gah!

"Basing on one interview of his, no. He currently doesn't have one, but that's an uber wild guess."

"How wild of a guess?"

"Well, he was asked if he has a girlfriend & he answered w/, 'I wouldn't tell you even if I did.' or something along those lines."

"Presto then."

'What does that mean anyway?" I was getting irritated by his rapid conclusions.

"He doesn't have a girlfriend. It means one thing."

"It means a lot of things." I started opening the book that I got from one of the shelves.

"Well, yeah. It has a multitude of meanings. One, he's single. Two, he's available. Three, he's waiting for someone. Four, he doesn't want to have a girlfriend. Five, because he wants a boyfriend. Six, he might have one already."

"All right, stop there." I feigned laughter. "Darren is not gay. He's straight. I could ramble out my fact-filled reasons why but that would just waste my research time. Our research time. Plus, I've known him long enough to get my facts straight. I've seen him in their college videos before. His existence is living proof. I actually find it very empowering that he's playing a gay teen despite being straight in real life. He is saving lives w/ what he's doing." Rain remained silent throughout my rant. Just staring at me w/ a poker face.

"Rain, I'm glad that you somehow take time to get to know Darren through me. It means so much. My fan girl heart is thankful. But please, don't make rush conclusions of him in front of me & making it look like he's lying to his fans, because he means so much... to me." I patted his hand & smiled.


Darren may not be aware of my existence, heck, he may not have even seen the happy birthday video I made for his 24th birthday yet, but I could get really protective & supportive of him if circumstances permit me to.

I'm proud of him & where his talents has led him so far. I'm not saying that being gay is equal to world banishment or something, but, as a fan, I believe in him & in whatever he chooses to be in the future.

"Sora, sa lugar lang."

I have a DSLR camera. His name is Sora and he's my baby. Sora is Japanese for Sky. I named him primarily after the lead character in my favorite RPG (Role-playing game), and because I have cloud fixations. I drag him along sometimes, especially on special occasions.

As a practicing photography enthusiast, I usually take pictures of... stuff. Sometimes I'd find this certain spark on something, be it a tree or a corridor (or a cloud), and I just have to grab Sora and snap his shutter.

As I was reviewing Sora's photos, we were waiting for a Calumpang jeepney to pass by. I could hear Gian and nang Robanee's voices at the background. They were talking about something. Something about a paper and school work. I wasn't listening. I was in oblivion.

"Diri nalang ta sakay oh. Dear! Saka na." manang was referring to me. So I went up the solid compartment supported by four wheels on each corner - the jeepney we were waiting for. I sat at the corner - my favorite sitting place. As someone big, I always try to sit at the back. It's easier for me whenever I go up, and especially when I go down. Upon sitting, I pulled Sora out of his bag and checked his pictures once more. Deleting. Editing.

After a few stops, a man went up and sat beside me. His back was facing me. I didn't really mind him though.

"Dear, please pakitago sa cam. Delikado."

Manang did have a point there. So returned Sora's lens cap and returned him in his gadget bag. As I looked up, I noticed the man in front of me. He pulled out his wallet and the bills inside it. I looked at his face, noticed the wrinkles and the moles on them, and I saw the spark. I wanted to capture the moment on Sora's memory. His slouched back. The way he counts his money. How he scrunched his forehead. I looked at manang Robanee. She was busy talking with Gian.

I glanced back at the man, looking for a nice angle to capture the moment. Then, I noticed him counting his money still. Eight hundreds, a fifty and six twenties. That's nine hundred and seventy pesos. I counted with him. I waited for him to return his bills in his wallet and hide it in his back pocket, but he didn't. He just sat there with his bills at hand. I eyed him. He wasn't moving.

Then he did it again.

Eight hundreds. A fifty. Six twenties. He was counting his money again. Eight hundreds. A fifty. Six twenties. He counted again. I forgot about Sora. I forgot about capturing the moment. For the man's money-counting caught my attention.

A voice startled me. I looked up, waking up from my reverie-state. It was manang Robanee. Gian was telling her something exciting, or something disturbing. A part of me wanted to ask them what they were talking about, but I couldn't actually hear them. The wind was loud enough to muffle their voices. It was futile.

I directed my attention back to the man. He was still counting his money.... and I wondered why. This time, he counted slowly.

Six... seven... eight hundreds. Pause. One fifty. Pause. He held on to the fifty longer than I expected. And he counted again from the beginning. Eight hundreds. A fifty. Six twenties. Nine hundred and seventy all in all.

I looked at his face as he counted once more. He looked sad . Troubled. Thinking. Then I felt sorry for him. Something's troubling him. I don't exactly know what it is but it has something to do with the money - my presumption.

Was he wishing himself a thousand pesos? Was he supposed to pay for something? Was he supposed to buy something for his kids? Does he even have a family? The answers, I will not know.

I wanted to ask him, though. Ask him what's wrong. If he needed extra cash to reach a thousand. If he really was trying to reach a thousand. But that'll be stupid. Deviant. I'd have enough dose of Sociology to practice prudence in times like these.

Sympathy. It filled me. I know the feeling of being tight on cash. Our family had our own taste of financial crisis, too. But I couldn't grasp the feeling of being broke, like holding on to a certain amount of money left and resorting to wish-fulfillment.

I couldn't take a picture of him. I didn't dare take a picture of him. Not like that. That would be unethical and out of place.

The man sniffed. Was he crying? I didn't dare ask. He opened his thin wallet. It was empty, not a single slip of paper inside. Not even a photograph. He slid the bills inside and closed the wallet immediately. He placed the wallet inside his back pocket. His fingers made sure it was tucked safely deep inside as he tried to push it down a couple of times.

"Lugar lang." I heard him call out. The jeepney made no signs of slowing down.

"Lugar lang." he called again, still to no avail.

"Manong, lugar. May manaog." that one came from me. The man left. I noticed we were at Tanza. As the car rode off, I glanced back at him. His hand was at his back pocket, checking if his wallet was still there.

Used and Abused

"I feel so..."

Beginning sentence of my status update on my Facebook account. Interpret it however way you want, but there's definitely pessimism there.

Still wearing my Agustino Ako, the concert ID pass.

"PHOTOGRAPHER"

It's bluntly written up front.

I'm happy, thank you. But I'm starting to feel like I'm being abused - literally!  RAPE! Kidding...

I'm tired. I'm a person. Just a weak person... and getting weaker.

My feelings of abandonment and rejection are resurfacing. It sucks. It's amazing. It's masochism... minus the sexual part.

I guess I have to spill the beans from the beginning. So it'll take me years to finish, neh? LOL! I'm good at summarizing. YES!

Yes, guys... I love taking pictures of you. The moment you call my attention and plead, with pathetic puppy-dog eyes, for me to take your picture... I feel important. Significant. My ego's being fed. But I guess I'm building a reputation of being a everyone's photographer, now do I?

Did anyone even bother asking me if I want my picture be taken? If I want my memories of my self be stored in a photograph?

It seems like no cares about how I feel. I know it's extreme ego centrism but how do you suggest I should feel after being treated like left out crap?

My classmates would instantly remember me when there's a school requirement related to movie making and all that jazz.... But I won't be the first one on their minds to grab as a partner or group member if otherwise. Why is that? WHY IS THAT?! Fuck you... Yes, I am mad. I've always been. Just keeping it all bottled up inside all this time and I know it's not good for me, especially with my condition. Do you even think about my condition every now and then? Nah... Never mind. *returning to tolerant self*

I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you, guys. I know. I hate my self, too.

I thank you as well. You never fail to prove to me that there really is no such thing as "best friends." It'll hurt much more to be left behind and forgotten by your very own best friends...

Hmm... I guess all of this depressing shizz started with the "traitor thing...." once again! The photographer blues just slipped in.

But I still feel bad with what did NOT happen.

I don't know...

It doesn't really bother me to not have a picture with Jed Madela. I guess it's the thought of someone remembering that you, the one holding the god damn camera, are a person as well.

There will always be that little picture hog inside of us. Thank God for Patrick. You made that little picture hog happy. I could feel Sora's happiness, too. Seldom does he have the chance to take a picture of his owner.

I'll set aside my suicide thoughts tonight. My birthday's comin' up. I should be happy.

But they'll seep in right after, They always do. It's bipolar thing.

Through the Looking-Glass

This is my assignment output in Sociology where we were tasked to make a reaction on the different songs in Mulan. Made around 2:00 am… and proud of it.
 

Mulan entails themes of family honor and duty however bound by societal expectations from each gender. It is implied that women and/or men can bring honor to their families if they act exactly like how women and/or men should act. But how should women and/or men be, you may ask.

A woman must be clean, literally. Washed. Primped. Polished. For in being so, men will line up for her hand in marriage. However, the song “You’ll Bring Honor to Us All” adds that men want girls with good taste, calm, obedient, works fast-paced, with good breeding, & a tiny waist.

It is expected that women must stay home with the kids and the men go out bearing arms to protect their family. Men must be ‘swift as a coursing river,’ ‘with all the force of a great typhoon,’ ‘with all the strength of a raging fire’ & ‘mysterious as the dark side of the moon.’ Men must be strong and suited for the rage of war.

Comparing how the movie defines a woman and a man to my own definition would be far-fetched. First of all, I am not living in China. Therefore, I look at people in a whole new different perspective. Men and women are equal in my eyes, they must be. Since I was young, I have always held on to equality and justice. I never did like a world full of racism and, well, injustice. But I guess I didn’t have any choice, now would I?

On my side of the planet, women can be breadwinners of the family. They can own a job that is most suited for men, as long as they can fulfill what is expected of them. Women can speak up to men, heck, even to elders. And that is one behavior I terribly abuse. But don’t get me wrong, on my side of the planet, men want women who are calm and obedient as well…who works fast-paced, with good breeding and, yes, with a tiny waist.

Men, here, are not ostracized if they choose professions suited for female. Quite the contrary, a lot of men take up Nursing and the Culinary Arts. Men walk side by side with women on a battlefield, if they have to. I guess, on my side of the planet, gender expectations are not that high like in China.

In the Looking-Glass Self, a person views himself or herself through others’ perceptions in society and in turn gains identity. Mulan sees herself as a woman who is expected to bring her family honor, who must be a perfect and a perfect daughter. However she finds it hard to be the person who her family and her society expects her to be. She cannot find her identity for she believes that what society expects her to be is not the kind of person she is becoming, because of this, she “took the role of her father” as a would-be soldier in the Imperial army.

Throughout the movie, she began to see her reflection, her true self, and develop an identity of her own which she is comfortable in being. She found out where she was good at and she realized her potentials and capabilities. But what was important was how she was accepted by her father in the end. For in the looking-glass self, it is not only how we imagine others judge us that is important, but also knowing and developing our self through others’ judgment.